It has been 10 months and 3 days since my dad left this earth to be with his maker. I have been through waves of emotions. I am struggling with the fact that he is really gone! I should be rejoicing, but I'm not. I'm stuck! I don't know how to begin this chapter in my life. We do not realize what we had until it is gone from us.
Everyone says it gets easier after you get past all the first's. Does it? I suppose it's a matter of choice to move on with our lives or stay stuck. This is where I really get to thinking.
I think of my own walk with Christ. My dad's was clear! He loved the Lord with all of his heart, mind and soul! He lived each day to it's fullest. I know if he could talk to me right now he would say...LIVE...but I'm not. I'm just here, going through the motions of each day praying tomorrow is better. I suppose I'm getting out of life what i'm putting into it. Don't get me wrong I to love the Lord with all my heart,mind and soul. But does it show?
I guess the bottom line is I don't want to be a lukewarm Christian. I want to shine for Christ. My question to myself is, am I shining for Christ? How I am dealing with my dad's death can be a witness to others. My reactions to everything I do and say can either be a witness for Christ or not a witness for him. I wonder, do others see Christ in me?
I don't know, maybe God is wanting to take me to a new level and that's why I have been thinking a lot about my weaknesses.
I do remember the peace I had as soon as dad passed away. Why am I still struggling? Is it ok to struggle? I guess that's the BIG question for me. I think it's probably normal to feel this way. It's amazing after typing this how much clearer I can think.
My prayer is, I pray I can continue to witness for Christ no matter what is going on in my life! After all, when he is in the center, things do go much smoother. I sure can't go this alone...don't even want to think of the mess I would be in without Christ in my life.
THOUGHTS FOR TODAY: FOCUS ON THINGS I'M THANKFUL FOR...
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